WOW!!!! I can’t begin any other way than to say W-O-W! So many emotions ran through me (and I could tell Patrick was having the same reaction) during the entire courtroom experience yesterday. Besides just not knowing what to expect or what was coming, we were in the position of almost forcibly being introduced to people involved that we would have never thought of. That being said, let me give you the very intense play by play….I warn you, this is going to be a long one!
Patrick and I got to the courthouse about 1:40 – the hearing was supposed to start at 2:00. When we walked in we saw a friend that we graduated with standing there amongst some of the lawyers we knew were associated with our case. I didn’t put two and two together until she approached us and we discussed why we were all there….she had been hired to intervene on behalf of the boys’ grandfather! Talk about small world!!
We sat out in the waiting area for a bit while we waited for everyone to arrive and to be told what to do next. While waiting, we found out that all three parents had (just about at that moment) agreed to voluntarily relinquish their parental rights! Can you believe it?!? We were not going to have to put up a fight in court – except for the grandfather’s intervention….so we made our way to the courtroom to do whatever was supposed to come next. While we were waiting for everyone to get in, the paternal aunt of our oldest boy asked to meet with us. We followed them outside and introduced ourselves, etc. She was just devastated, but kept telling us she knew it was the right thing that her brother relinquished his rights. I just wanted to hug her and hold her and tell her it would be ok and we really will take care of these boys – but you can’t really do that in the courthouse exactly. So I tried to communicate that to her the best I could and we went back in the courtroom.
About that time, the judge “called the hearing to order” (I don’t know the correct terminology for that stuff!) and we began by hearing the evidence and argument for the grandfather’s motion to intervene. I should note here that our lawyer had filed a motion to strike the grandfather’s motion to intervene (this all happened about 12:30 that same day by the way). The grandfather’s lawyer took the witness stand and gave his testimony as questions were asked of him. This was BRUTAL to watch…not only because it was awkward to be sitting there while it was all going on, but because all 7 lawyers involved asked him questions. The other really uncomfortable part about this was that he was asked some difficult questions about his daughter (the boys’ mother) and he had to answer honestly – essentially saying he thought his daughter was a failure. My heart was breaking the whole time he was talking. Not just for him and what he was potentially losing, but also for his family and the way he was having to talk about them. It was more than intense. The lawyers each had an opportunity to argue their reasoning for approval or denial of the grandfather’s request and then the judge handed down her decision. After a lot of writing and reviewing of documents she stated that was accepting the motion to strike the grandfather’s intervention! (in layman’s terms, the judge denied the grandfather’s request for custody of the boys). One small hurdle down….
Despite the fact that all three parents chose to voluntarily relinquish their rights, we still had to allow the judge to hear evidence so she could decide to accept the relinquishments or not. So, the ADA called up the boys’ case worker to testify. Again, BRUTAL. While the ADA rattled off all of the reasons the people sitting right behind us in the courtroom couldn’t have custody of either boy, Patrick and I are sitting up front watching the whole thing. Though it may not sound all that terrible (I mean these are things we already know right?) it was so awful to be “caught in the middle” of all of this and have to listen while these people’s failures were displayed for everyone to see. There were points during the testimony that I was crying and doing my best to keep it from being obvious. But it was heartbreaking again to sit through all of that.
Lastly, our lawyer asked me to take the stand to testify. I took my oath and spelled my name for the court reporter and took the stand. She was the only one who asked me any questions. Thank God the other lawyers in the room chose to not ask any other questions. I only had to answer a few basics: when did the boys get placed with you? What can you tell me about the boys? Why did you file an intervention? Etc. Nothing too hard that I couldn’t answer, but my voice was still shaky as I was talking and I hit the microphone with my jacket as I was getting up! UGH! But honestly my little embarrassments on the stand do not compare to how hard it was to sit there while the others were testifying.
Then the judge did some more writing and reviewing documents for a bit. Of course it seemed like an hour to Patrick and I, but it was only a matter of a few minutes and she handed down her decision. She accepted the relinquishments of all three parents AND named Patrick and I Possessory Conservators. This simply means that if for some reason in the course of the next couple of months, CPS decides they need to remove the boys from our home, they have to get a court order to do it. We still don’t really have any rights to the boys just yet. BUT, the biggest hurdle is done for now!!!! Praise the Lord!
So before I tell you about the drama outside the courtroom, I will mention that the next step is to start the paperwork for the adoption process. CPS will “place” the boys in our home (on paper basically) as an adoptive placement. Then the legal stuff happens and we set a court date to adopt. However, it is important to note the following: 1) the parents have 30 days to appeal the decision to accept the relinquishments (they could change their minds or say they were coerced, etc.) 2) any extended family such as aunt, uncle, grandparent, etc. can appeal the decision within 90 days. So even if the adoption is finalized before the 90 days is over, they can still appeal the decision. If they win their appeal, we are right back to where we started from. So I will ask for prayers again in that the family chooses not to appeal.
On to the most awkward part of the entire experience – meeting the grandfather and his new wife outside the courtroom AFTER the decisions were made by the judge. I won’t post the details of that discussion as I do feel it is important to maintain their privacy to a certain extent. I will say that the new wife was very upset about the decision as was the grandfather and while I don’t agree with their statements, I understand where they were coming from. I know that if I were in their shoes, I may have said some of the same things. We found out afterwards that the boys’ mother was standing in that group with the grandfather and his new wife while they were talking to us. I wish I had known that so that I could address her directly, but I figure if she wanted to talk to us, she would have (not that her father really gave her the chance to….). After the grandfather left, the paternal aunt came back over with her brother’s girlfriend. This was more heartbreaking than anything. I could tell the both of them were hurting and I know that her brother was hurting also. I told her that I know this wasn’t an easy decision, but I was impressed with the family’s love and concern for the oldest child to give him up for what they hoped to be a better future. We hugged and cried and promised to send pictures and letters and such so that they can see how he is doing over the years. The two of them left and we finished up some last minute business with our lawyer and we walked out. We went straight to the post office to set up a PO Box so we can have the boys’ family send us pictures etc. We do hope that they will because we know that this connection to their family is so important for the boys. They need to know that they love them despite the way things turned out but they also need to know where they come from. It is a part of their identity and we will continue to support that.
So….that was yesterday. Right before the oldest one threw up in my hands while we were having a celebratory dinner at Double Daves (he has also been running a bit of a fever). As I have told a few of you, even if the court had not decided that we were these boys parents the fact that I let him throw up in my hands definitely does! J Oh, the things we do for our children…..on that note, please pray for his returned health. Thank God for Aunt Megan and her flexibility to be able to stay home with him today!
We love you all and again could not do this without your continued support. You are amazing people and we can’t live without you! Much Love!
