Life's Many Struggles

I am struggling today. There are lots of things swirling around my head and I am having a hard time keeping them straight. I am sick - who isn't these days?!? - with a nasty cough and probably a cold - the combination of which makes sleeping difficult. I am in a challenging place with work in that my Director has taken a role at a different hospital (thankfully within our same system). As with any situation when some one leaves, there is a gap and I am doing the best I can to fill in while the "higher ups" continue to work on filling that gap. We have a new little one in our home. She is simply the most fabulous little girl ever. But this in-and-of-itself creates drama in our lives. She is two - the same age as Alex and, as I have discovered over the last almost two weeks, is the female version of him. So that means we have three little ones in our home under the age of 4. Top that off with an almost surprising social calendar and we are doing good to get through the day intact these days!

So I am struggling. But the more I drill down, the more I realize that each of these struggles present their own challenges, true, but are not all that difficult by themselves. It is the combination of them all that create the stress in my life (and consequently the liklihood of getting sick again and losing sleep some more!). But taken individually, these things can all be worked through. So I am having to remind myself that while life is hard and what not, it's not more than I can handle (with a little help from my support here on earth and in Heaven!).

I feel the need to expand on that some more. For instance, this morning I woke up frustrated that I lost an extra 15 minutes of (kindof) sleep because one of our three was crying. I don't know what was wrong, but went in to soothe and thinking I would bring that one back to bed with me to catch at least 10 of those 15 minutes, another one of our three started crying. The last followed suit so I was awake and soothing earlier than normal (no - I didn't use that extra time to do my hair today instead of putting it up in a bun as usual!). This put me in a foul mood - most of you who know me well know I don't do mornings to begin with! - and started me off on the wrong foot.

I spent the rest of the morning contemplating things from home to work to home again. Like for instance, it really irritates me that we have to have all these visits again and document everything and answer to people questioning our parenting with our newest foster placement. But as I think about it, I wouldn't give up what we have to give up the inconvenience of it either. I am trying to now focus on the positives of being a foster parent this time around and I am really trying to let the frustrations of it melt away. When we fostered the boys, I spent so much time upset, worried and angry that I know I lost opportunities to just enjoy what we had. So I am going to focus on letting that go this time around - I can't promise anything, but I will try!

As for work....I am trying to remind myself that what doesn't kill us does make us stronger! :) I have experienced many challenges in my working experiences thus far in life and this particular one is no harder than others I have faced - and really is not nearly as bad as some major doozies! It is hard to remember that in the "heat" of the moment though. I know that as the dust continues to settle, the solutions are being made clear and steps are being taken to return to some normalcy - even if normal will be different now. It just means I continue to get the opportunity to explore new aspects of this job I haven't been able to in the past. It means that I am exposed to a different group of people and different set of challenges - all of which generally improve a person in the end. So I know I will come out on top in the end, though it may not be the way I want, it will still be what is best.

Let's not talk about sick. I know I work for an entire hospital full of doctors, but I don't like going to see a doctor regarding my own health. I am a complete hypocrite about that too. I tell my friends and family the importance of going to the doctor when you are sick and then I hide out as long as I can before going myself. It makes my anxiety driven hypocondria kick in to full gear and I start imagining all of the awful things wrong with me. That's why I can't watch shows like House or Private Practice or even the days of ER - I convince myself by the end of the show that I have all the symptoms of the really sick ones on there and that I am dying. I don't know where this paranoia comes from, but it keeps me from going to the doctor to actually find out. Hence the cycle begins again. And honestly, while I am trying to have a more positive outlook on life these days, I am not going to change this one. Hey, everyone is allowed at least one flaw....this one can be mine....amongst other things! :)

So, I will be putting on my Pollyanna face more these days and trying really hard to not let the struggles get me down! God Bless!

Our New Addition

We got a call last night - as these stories generally start - about a little one who needed a new home. All we knew is that she just turned two and was leaving her home because her grandmother was allowing unsupervised visits with her parents - something she isn't supposed to be doing. We accepted the placement (of COURSE!) and here we are 24 hours later. We made it through the first day without a hitch! :)

Of course, we can't say anything about her name or post pictures, but I can assure you that she is just about the most adorable little girl I have ever met - and she has a pretty cute name too!

Here is the little bit we know about her situation: This is her second time in foster care. Her mother has had other children removed and is currently pregnant. We don't know why this little one was removed originally and we don't know anything about the circumstances of the other children. The case worker and investigator told us that we could expect to keep this one for "a while". We told them we were happy to do that and that was that. And that is about all we know. Including the fact that we don't know this little one's last name (the paperwork has to be copied and mailed to us so we don't have her full name or anything). What we have learned in the process with the boys is that we will know what we need to know and will just have to be ok with that. I know that God will make what is supposed to happen...well...happen and we are best to just follow that plan.

So that's about it. Given that we are just at 24 hours with our newest "addition" we don't have much else to report. But as usual, we will have lots of fun stories to share! :) We appreciate your prayers and support as we embark on yet another adventure in the Pringle house!