Don't worry, we didn't completely disappear!

I was looking at some blogs that I like to follow and realized my last post on here was FIVE WEEKS AGO!  Oh my!  It is funny how times flies and then how it doesn't. 

I have had another check up with the doctor (just the regularly scheduled kind) and everything is looking good.  Baby Pringle is right on target as far as size and heart rate and all that jazz is concerned.  I am 12 weeks along this week (that's 3 months for those of you mathematically challenged like me!).  I must admit that the last 5 weeks have really kind of crept along. 

I am going to say something here that may be a bit shocking and sound rather ungrateful.  But I gotta say it.  I am not one of those women who loves being pregnant.  I know I have nothing to compare it to really other than this one experience, but I gotta tell you, so far, I would not want to sign up for this again.  Of course this is where I sound ungrateful....this is a true miracle.  An actual, honest to goodness miracle.  To be pregnant is the most amazing Gift God could have ever given me aside from the two boys he already gave me (and my husband too!).  I know that when this is all over with and I have that sweet baby in my arms, I will look back and know this was all worth it.  But right now I feel pretty much like crap.  No, I haven't actually thrown up, but I almost wonder if dealing with the nausea is worse than actually throwing up - though I have come really close and I do all the deep breathing and tricks I can come up with to not actually throw up.  I am not in the hospital or on bed rest and I can come to work every day and do my job relatively normally.  (don't ask my boss to confirm that though!) My blood pressure is normal (though for me that is an improvement) and my overall health is pretty normal as well.  I have only gained 2 pounds so far and that was in the last week.

But I still feel like crap. (did I say that already?)  I feel like I have a stomach bug and the flu all at one time.  I am achy, tired, BIG (even though I am not really showing yet, things are starting to get uncomfortable and quite frankly my boobs are like a separate country all on their own!) I can't get comfortable and no matter what I eat I have some awesome gastrointestinal rebellions going on constantly (I won't go in to that much detail but let's just say that nausea is not the only thing I am dealing with).  So while I am not nearly as badoff as many women can be during pregnancy, this is NO walk in the park.  Not that I expected it would be, but I am still waiting for the glowing "ahhhhh, I'm pregnant and isn't it wonderful" feeling to take hold.  So far, nada.

Now don't get me wrong....I really do believe this is a wonderful thing.  I can't begin to express my awe and joy over hearing my little one's heart beat and seeing her (or him!) on the sono screen.  To think that a child, an actual human being, is growing in me right now is amazing.  I am blown away that God would give me and my family this blessing.  But I do feel a little like Job....I know, that's dramatic, but I am pregnant, I get to be dramatic if I want to.

The fancy app I downloaded on my phone tells me each week how far along I am and what size the baby should be and what I should be feeling, etc.  It also tells me (as of today) only 195 more days to go!  With an explanation point.  Like that is awesome news!  UGGGHHHH! 195 days!?!?!  I might not survive.  I know, being dramatic again....here is praying for me to have an attitude change and an ability to focus on the positives.  Till next time, God Bless!