We heard from our FAD worker about 6:00 tonight. The workers for this little one chose the other family. They don't have any other children and the workers felt that this other family would be able to give her more individualized attention. Our FAD worker said "to which I replied, you must not know my family then!" Just another reason we love her! :) The supervisor for the case told our FAD worker that this one of the most difficult decisions they ever had to make.
So before I launch into my more appropriate responses, let me just get these out of the way:
1) the whole "individualized attention" excuse seems a bit like a b.s. reason to me...
2) how come it is that people think saying "this was a difficult decision" makes it any easier to accept that decision?
3) THIS BLOWS!!!
Now, back to being a good girl!
Honestly, I truly know that this too is all a part of God's plan for us. I also know that if He did not include this little one in our lives then there is something so much better waiting for us. I know that the decision to not place this little one with us means that she is going to EXACTLY where she needs to be for what is BEST for her. And it feels really good actually to know that is what I really prayed all along - I won't lie and say I am not feeling a little sucker punched right now - but I am happy that she is where she needs to be. That is honestly all I could ask for. This has been a very hard several weeks (almost two months!) and it is emotionally draining, but in the end it is all about the child. If this is not where she needs to be then Praise God He is wise enough to place her where she does need to be.
There is that other part of me that is not so secretly celebrating for this new family. We were once the brand new foster/adoption family that was being considered for placement - We did it about 3 times before we got the boys - and all I kept saying was our lack of experience should not hinder us! It was so frustrating to not be considered just because we had no experience when how could we get experience if no one would trust us enough to get our first placement? So, I am happy that this family has been given that opportunity. What a wonderful Christmas present for them!
The song "Praise you in the storm" by Casting Crowns is my mantra right now. This stuff is hard - we can't do it alone - we don't have to do it alone! How amazing is that?!?!? How absolutely mind blowing is it that the God that created the universe and us and everything the eye can see also cares enough about me that He carried my burdens?? I have not been very faithful in letting Him carry those burdens and so I have struggled. I have had to walk through the fire and I have certainly been burned for my stubborn need to be in control. I am certainly not done with learning my lesson either. I know this will always be my struggle. But I sit here typing this feeling free knowing that while I will always struggle with this, God will always be there to help me. He will always forgive my lack of faith and my arrogance and He will never get frustrated or annoyed that I keep doing it over and over again. I can just say WOW. Our God is an AWESOME God.
So while the next steps are very uncertain and while I HATE (LOATHE) not knowing what is coming next, I also know that God knows what He has in store for us - I know we have to walk through the good and the bad to get there and in the end we will be better for it. Praise you Lord for allowing us the opportunity to grow and learn.
Till the next Pringle Junior drama....God Bless!
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