Still In the Running

Just got an email from our FAD worker.  She was following up on a question from the case worker for the little one we recently submitted our home study for.  They wanted to know if we would be open to an open adoption.  Basically that means would we be willing to allow cards/letters and pictures to be mailed back and forth (from the birth family to us and vice versa) all the way to would we be willing to meet face to face with them so they could see the child for a period of time.  We already have a PO box for the boys' birth family to keep in touch with them so that is not even a problem.  However we don't do face to face visits with them.   I am not sure how comfortable we are with face to face visits in this case either, but we would certainly be open to talking about it.  My main concern with face to face visits is the affect it would have on the child.  If they are safe and the family members are not causing harm in any way (these visits would be supervised of course!) then as long as it is not causing any emotional trauma for the little one, we would be open to occassional visits.  But not something like every month or anything like that.  Maybe like Christmas and Birthday or something like that.  But that may not even be something the birth family wants - it may be that cards/letters and pictures is enough for them.

That being said, it is really just a matter of discussion at this point.  Legally, we are not required to maintain any contact with the birth family if the parental rights are terminated.  However, if we go to mediation (if this little one is placed with us) and that is a "bargaining chip" to get them to surrender their rights rather than have to go to trial, that is something we would consider.  We are firm believers that our adopted children should have the option to maintain contact with thier birth families if they want to - as long as it is safe for them.  If they don't want contact then we will support them in that.  But I can't think about denying our children the right to know their birth families because it makes me a little uncomfortable (don't get me wrong - I am not all that for it when my son tells me he misses his "real parents".  He's 4 and he doesn't understand that relationship - the word parents to him means birth parents.  We are his Mommy and Daddy, not parents.  But that doesn't mean that I like to hear him say it.  I usually have to stop myself for a second before I can respond to that one!). 

So that is the latest.  Our willingness to do an open adoption does not mean that we will get picked.  At this point they are just seeking additional information about us and the other willing families.  The responses may help them to narrow the pool a little bit, but it may not.  All in all, it is still very much in God's hands.  And despite the fact that I have been getting some interesting "messages" lately it could still go either way (our fortune cookie messages from the other day - "be preapred to recieve something special" and "your decisions are good ones. trust yourself" - the book I am reading is a fiction based on christian principals.  The message in the book right now is about following your destiny or calling in God and trusting that He will see you through and believing in Him, not just saying you do, but really believing. - the message at church on Sunday was basically the same thing as the one in the book recently.).  So again, I pray for God's will in this situation and that this little one is placed in the home that is best suited to care and love her.  I do really hope that is what will happen for her and if we don't get picked I have to believe that is what happened.  So I am sure it will be another week or so before we hear anything else.  Till then, God Bless!