STILL Waiting

Well, as of this last Friday at least, we are still in the running for this 6 month old little one we submitted our home study for almost 2 weeks ago.  I have to be honest that, despite my experiences with CPS typically being anything but time consuming, I am kind of surprised it is taking this long to make a decision about which family they are going to place this little one with.  Of course it may be that as we have not heard anything today that means they have already made their decision and we are no longer being considered.  Or it could be that they are still working on narrowing down the families.  Or it could be that the person who is working this case is on vacation and they aren't doing anything with the case right now.  That's the most frustrating thing about this process I think - the waiting without any communication.  I have to assume we are still in the running at this point because they emailed us on Friday wanting more information - our work schedules.  But my response back could have easily taken us out.  We both work M-F full days.  So they may be looking for a family with at least one stay at home parent.  I did make sure I mentioned that while we work our 40 hours, we are well connected within the Baylor system to facilities, caregivers and resources to care for a little one with the needs this little one has.  So working not only has brought us to those resources, but they are close - there is a Baylor clinic right down the street from my office that cares for children with special needs that is also a day care.   They have on site services just exactly for the kinds of things this little one needs!  Don't think I didn't mention that (in about three paragraphs) to make sure they drew the correct conclusion that while we may work, doesn't mean we don't have the time and resources necessary to care for this little one. 

I am not sure why I am fighting so hard for her other than I have this feeling she is ours.  The intensity and strength of that feeling tends to waiver and so like I told my boss recently, that gut feeling could just be gas and not God after all.  But I am having a hard time letting this one go.  As I think I have mentioned before, I am already in love with this little girl and while it is so tempting to pray for what I want, I continue to pray for God's will in this little girl's life.  That is why I hope (and pray) that my gut feeling is not just me "willing" it to be but me listening to God.  I truly want to be listening to His plan for us and to what He is trying to tell me.  So I will keep trying to focus on that when the waiting and my lack of patience get the better of me.  In the mean time I will set my "cut off" as this Friday.  If we don't hear anything more before this Friday then I will assume that we have not been chosen.  That will be 2 1/2 weeks since we submitted our home study.  And at the rate they have been contacting us, it would be well beyond the schedule for us to not hear anything else.

On a side note, I know that they need to take as much time as they possibly can to be as thorough as they possibly can to make sure that they place this little one with just the right family.  I also know I am complaining and bellyaching and that doesn't change the fact that while it is uncomfortable, I would really want them to do what they could to make sure they place this little one in the right place.  Sometimes it is easier for me to deal if I can vent.  So that is what I will likely be doing over the next couple of days.  Feel free to come back in a week or so to avoid all the venting!  :)  Much Love and God Bless!