No, I don't mean incarcerated, I mean convicted as in felt so passionate about something you knew with great conviction that it was right? The web dictionary I used defines conviction as "an unshakable belief in something without need for proof or evidence". Ok, now think about that....no really....think hard about that. How many times in your life have you trully felt convicted about something? What was it? What did you do about it? Were you accepted or joined in your conviction? Did you have to convince others of your beliefs? Were you punished or abondaned or persecuted for your convictions? What were you willing to give up (even if not asked) for those convictions?
A friend and I were talking recently about our convictions - specifically adoption and being a foster parent - and how those around us have reacted to what we are doing. She was telling me of a few of her friends who just keep telling her over and over again (almost like a broken record) how they don't know how she does what she does and how special she must be to do it because they know they couldn't do it. Her interpretation of that comment is they are really thinking "you are crazy for what you are doing. No person in their right mind would do something that crazy - or scary." It got me thinking....how many times have I thought something similar about something someone else is doing that I don't necessarily agree with? I don't know (If I am being honest, probably more than I would like to think).
The more I think about it, I realize that those times I have thought the same thing about others is because I really didn't know (and didn't take the time) to understand their conviction. Don't get me wrong - there are some people out there that do some really crazy things and being "convicted" about it doesn't make it not crazy or right. But I know there are times that I have thought what an awful decision someone was making and jumped to my own conclusions without getting all the information. I don't know what those people are thinking. I don't know what God has laid on their hearts. I don't know what research or prayers or thoughts they went through before getting to that place. I don't know what past experiences have planted the seeds for that particular conviction - often times because I never experienced it myself. I don't know what they have witnessed that makes them feel so strongly about something. And how would I know those things? Ask I guess, but that is not always appropriate either. Sometimes its the stuff behind the curtain that makes the most sense - and since most people like to keep those private things private (go figure right?!?) that's not always information that is available.
I have had a few recent experiences where I thought something was a certain way because the person who did it didn't think about everything all the way through - how stupid to set it up this way, what an idiot! - only to find out that it was being done that way because I had the wrong updates on my system or the wrong back story or made the wrong assumptions. When I realized it (and subsequently corrected those wrong things) it changed my entire perspective about those situations. I had my "aha moment" and things were very different after that. As difficult as it is to imagine, I was actually W-R-O-N-G about what was really going on????!!!??? Wow! (mark it down folks, it won't happen often that I admit that!).
I think about how I feel when I am trully convicted about something and someone questions it or tries to convince me of something else. There are some things in my life that I know I am wrong about and needed that extra encouragement, discussion or wisdom to correct what I was doing, and there are some things that I know deep in my very being that I am supposed to be doing them or that I am right (like what we are doing as foster/adoptive parents). I don't know how to explain it sometimes or express it so others can also believe the way I do, but I just KNOW it. I like to think that God has given me the strength and wisdom to stick with that conviction because it is of Him and for Him and part of His plan for me. So far, those things that I feel deep in my soul have always proven to be the right things after all - the right path to take. As I know how that feels, I also know how it feels to have someone question those convictions, to have someone not believe in what I believe despite my best efforts to show them.
As such, I am going to mak e an effort to be better about not jumping to my own conclusions. I am still human, so I know I won't make that 100% of the time, but I hope I can learn to be better about putting myself in someone else's shoes before I judge. It's not my place to judge anyways....Sorry Lord, you know how I like to be in control and all...Let's think of it as an experiment...how will my perspective change? What will I learn along the way? How can I better support those people when I take myself out of the equation (after all - most of the time it is not my decision to make anyways, so why do I make it about me to begin with?)? How will my relationship with that person improve? I don't know, but I guess that it can't hurt to try!
What are my convictions you may ask? Well, there are a few and they may not be the same as yours and that is really ok isn't it? But if you really want to know my opinions, just ask - you know I will give them to you! :) God bless!
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