Projects

While Kellie has been furiously making all kinds of things (awesome things) for people (awesome people) for Christmas this year, I have been trying to give as much space and support (mostly staying out of the way) as I can. I do enjoy my paracord stuff but I breeze through most of my projects and I haven't taken any more on... until now.

I just finished my first and second (and hopefully last) T-shirt quilts. I use the term "quilts" loosely as my sewing abilities are below beginner at best. I don't have pictures right now but safe to say I am just hoping they last for the next 6 months before they start falling apart. Kellie took some pictures last night and she may post them up here. Please be kind... I am just glad the boys are so young that they won't know the difference between a good quilt and one that Dad slapped together.

Here's to hand made Christmas presents... maybe just as expensive as store bought, but made with a lot less ability. And a lot more love.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.

Patrick

Savior, Please

Josh Wilson - "Savior, Please"

Savior, please take my hand .

I work so hard, I live so fast.

This life begins, and then it ends.

And I do the best that I can,

but I don't know how long I'll last.

Chorus:

I try to be so tough,

but I'm just not strong enough.

I can't do this alone,

God I need you to hold on to me.

I try to be good enough,

but I'm nothing without your love.

Savior, please keep saving me.

Savior, please help me stand.

I fall so hard, I fade so fast.

Will you begin, right where I end?

And be the God of all I am because you're all I have.

(Chorus)

Hallelujah

Everything you are to me,

is everything I'll ever need.

And I am learning to believe,

that I don't have to prove a thing.

Cause you're the one who's saving me.

Hallelujah

(Chorus)

Savior, please keep saving, me.

Featured....Yay!

Hi all - with all the craziness the last couple of months, I let time get away from me before I remembered to tell you that I was featured recently!  I am so excited! 

I am not sure if you all remember my obsession with The Ribbon Retreat + Fabric store online???  But they have a blog as well.  I submitted by Toddler Belt project as an idea of something I have used ribbon from that store for and they actually showed my project on their blog!  Yippee!  Anyways, here is the write up - I hope you enjoy perusing the blog.  I just love all the cool stuff out there - all the more reason to shop at The Ribbon Retreat!  Patrick will be sooooooo glad!  :)

Sometimes it's just what you need to hear

Awesome!! We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize it is preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we can't.

Whatever your cross, whatever your pain, there will always be sunshine, after the rain.....

Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall; But God's always ready, to answer your call.....

He knows every heartache, sees every tear, a word from His lips, can calm every fear...

Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night, But suddenly vanish at dawn's early light...

The Savior is waiting, somewhere above, to give you His grace, and send you His love....

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

May God bless the broken road that leads us straight to where we need to be....

Alas....it must have been gas....

We heard from our FAD worker about 6:00 tonight.  The workers for this little one chose the other family.  They don't have any other children and the workers felt that this other family would be able to give her more individualized attention.  Our FAD worker said "to which I replied, you must not know my family then!"  Just another reason we love her!  :)  The supervisor for the case told our FAD worker that this one of the most difficult decisions they ever had to make.

So before I launch into my more appropriate responses, let me just get these out of the way:

1) the whole "individualized attention" excuse seems a bit like a b.s. reason to me...
2) how come it is that people think saying "this was a difficult decision" makes it any easier to accept that decision?
3) THIS BLOWS!!!

Now, back to being a good girl!

Honestly, I truly know that this too is all a part of God's plan for us.  I also know that if He did not include this little one in our lives then there is something so much better waiting for us.  I know that the decision to not place this little one with us means that she is going to EXACTLY where she needs to be for what is BEST for her.  And it feels really good actually to know that is what I really prayed all along - I won't lie and say I am not feeling a little sucker punched right now - but I am happy that she is where she needs to be.  That is honestly all I could ask for.  This has been a very hard several weeks (almost two months!) and it is emotionally draining, but in the end it is all about the child.  If this is not where she needs to be then Praise God He is wise enough to place her where she does need to be.

There is that other part of me that is not so secretly celebrating for this new family.  We were once the brand new foster/adoption family that was being considered for placement - We did it about 3 times before we got the boys - and all I kept saying was our lack of experience should not hinder us!  It was so frustrating to not be considered just because we had no experience when how could we get experience if no one would trust us enough to get our first placement?  So, I am happy that this family has been given that opportunity.  What a wonderful Christmas present for them!

The song "Praise you in the storm" by Casting Crowns is my mantra right now.  This stuff is hard - we can't do it alone - we don't have to do it alone!  How amazing is that?!?!?  How absolutely mind blowing is it that the God that created the universe and us and everything the eye can see also cares enough about me that He carried my burdens??  I have  not been very faithful in letting Him carry those burdens and so I have struggled.  I have had to walk through the fire and I have certainly been burned for my stubborn need to be in control.  I am certainly not done with learning my lesson either.  I know this will always be my struggle.  But I sit here typing this feeling free knowing that while I will always struggle with this, God will always be there to help me.  He will always forgive my lack of faith and my arrogance and He will never get frustrated or annoyed that I keep doing it over and over again.  I can just say WOW.  Our God is an AWESOME God.

So while the next steps are very uncertain and while I HATE (LOATHE) not knowing what is coming next, I also know that God knows what He has in store for us - I know we have to walk through the good and the bad to get there and in the end we will be better for it.  Praise you Lord for allowing us the opportunity to grow and learn.

Till the next Pringle Junior drama....God Bless!

After Meeting Update

No decision just yet, but here is the text exchange I just had with our FAD worker:


Carolyn: She’s adorable!!!!
Me: :) I bet she is!
Carolyn: I just presented. The other worker is presenting now. Hopefully we will know something by today, tomorrow at the latest. I’ll ask and let you know.
Carolyn: They loved your picture book.
Me: Thank you for all you have done for our family!
Carolyn: anytime

Hee hee hee! She makes me giggle. :)  So that’s it for now…..we will let you all know when we hear anything else….I am trying not to force the seconds to go faster because honestly I have a lot of work to do! But work schmork! :)

PS - OF COURSE they loved our picture ("pick us") book!  My mom and sister worked so hard on that book and they did such a great job with it!  I just knew it would be a huge hit!

God Bless!

My New Hobby

While mindlessly looking through Facebook one day I came upon an ad for a company selling "survival bracelets". I had no idea what they were but after a little reading on their site found that they were a way to carry 8 to 20ft of 550 lb test parachute cord around with you for those "just in case" situations - hence the survival bracelet. Most of the sites that I found that were selling them wanted anywhere from $20 to $25 plus shipping for one that would fit me. I almost bought one when I heard that little voice in the back of my mind (sounds a lot like my wife) telling me that I could make them for cheaper than that.

After a little Googling I cam across this tutorial: http://stormdranespbtutorial.blogspot.com/ which led me to this blog: http://stormdrane.blogspot.com/. He does all kinds of cool stuff with paracord and leather lace and provides links to where he buys all of his supplies and gear - make sure you check out his blog. I will add some at the end of this post but he has a lot more. I followed the tutorial and looked up some others and this is what I have done so far:

These are made using a cobra knot/stitch. Most of what I have done is either a single or double (King Cobra) knot although I experimented a little with the Dragon's Tongue knot as well:

After a expanding my color selections and playing around a little I have been able to make 2 and 3 color bracelets as well as some in 2 different kinds of camo:

I will list the links to stuff that I have used but feel free to look around Stormdrane's blog for other links. If you are interested in one I would be happy to make it for you provided I have the necessary colors. Let me know.

For paracord the best price/selection I have been able to find is on Ebay and the seller is local so the shipping is much faster. The others are a little bit more but the selection is not necessarily as good.

MajesticDreams Ebay listing

Supply Captain Paracord

Rotokid Shop

For the buckles I only use Creative Design Works. Best price I can find.

A couple of other necessities if you are going to get into this: a good pair of sewing scissors, a torch style lighter and a small candle.

Firsts

28 years ago I became a brother for the first time. 9 years ago I became a husband for the first and last time. 2 years ago I became a Dad for the first time. 1 year ago I became an uncle for the first time. And now I am using my first post on this blog to talk about my first second time as a Dad.

That may not make a lot of sense but it is very simple. About 3 or 4 months ago Kellie and I decided that we would go back on the vacancy list for another placement through CPS. This time would be different than the others in that we would be only taking adoption or legal risk placements. I won't go into what this means as I am sure that Kellie has covered this before but suffice to say any children that we have in our house from here on out would be staying with us instead of having a chance that they would go back. We had 3 foster placements since we adopted our boys and they have all been tests for our family for one reason or another. There have only been a couple of emails from our case worker since we went adoption only about possible placements and right now we are waiting (mostly) patiently to find out if we have been picked. As with everything in this process it takes time and without our wonderful case worker we wouldn't have any idea what is going on. We hope to hear something on Wednesday the 8th but either way this goes down we are praying for this little one to be where God wants her to be. We are not sure yet when we will actually have her if we are picked but that would make another great Christmas present... much like the boys 2 years ago.

I know that Kellie is so much better at keeping everybody up to date and nobody really wants my 2 cents but I figured that I would start putting it out there anyways. I have started my own little "crafty" hobby that I will post later with some pics to go along with all of Kellie's projects.

-Patrick

Updates

Here we are a month and a half in to this process of waiting to find out if we are selected to be the adoptive family for this little one (see the post from yesterday to know how crazy this makes me!) and we are on the cusp of knowing what God has in store for us on this particular situation.

Our FAD (foster/adoption) worker came by last night to get our "pick us" book.  She is going to use this in the meeting on December 8th to kind of give a little snapshot of our family and who we are - outside of the black and white, clinically written home study they use to "kow us".  I would like to take this moment to just mention that she is an AWESOME lady.  I so enjoy working with her!  Anyways, while she was there we talked about what to expect over the next couple of weeks.

First, the selection meeting is scheduled for December 8th at 11:00 am.  Our FAD worker will attend the meeting just long enough to represent us, answer their questions, show off our "pick us" book and such.  Then she will leave.  She is not allowed to sit and listen about the other family that is also in consideration right now.  She promised to call/email me immediately after she leaves the meeting so she can tell me what she knows - another reason she is awesome, she knows I will be going completely insane!  She said she does not know if the committee will make their decision on the 8th or not.  I guess it just depends on who is there, what they hear and if they have any further questions or checking they need to do.  And of course, she will let us know immediately as she hears anything.

IF WE ARE PICKED: The child's worker will prepare a copy of the case file for us to review.  We will have the opportunity to review the entire case file prior to placement. Someone will either deliver it to us or we will go pick it up, but either way we will have the chance to go through all of it, ask questions, do some reasearch etc. before we have to decide that we will, based on this new information, still take this little girl.  Let me back up by saying this: DOES IT MATTER????  Not really!  I am pretty certain that there is nothing in that case file that could possibly change our minds.  But they have to give us that opportunity (full disclosure and all that) and so we will take it - just because I am nosy more than anything else.  

Then once we have reviewed the file and done all the additional fact seeking we want to, we will let them know our decision (is there really any question??) and then they will coordinate with us us about placement.  Here is what I don't know - what happens after that?  I don't know if they will bring her to us immediately or if they will do a transition thing.  If it is transitional, they will let us have her for a short period (like a day) and then take her back to her foster home.  Then they will let us have her like overnight and then take her back and the progressing to a full weekend and then to forever.  The idea behind that plan is to allow the child and the adoptive family the opportunity to get to know each other, learn more about each other's needs and habits and work on developing a routine.  It is also a chance for everyone involved to determine if this placement will work - a trial run per se.  Given that this little girl is so young (she is 8 months old) I don't know if they will do the transitional thing or not.  I could see that being harder for such a young one, but then again, I just don't know. 

My guess is that if they pick us we will be doing really good to have her in our home by Christmas....

IF THEY DON'T PICK US: that's all she wrote folks!  That will be it.  There won't be anything else for us to do except see what God has in store for us next.

Our FAD worker really has no other information at this time.....she doesn't know anything about what the other family has to offer that would get them this far in the process that we don't offer - though I had a thought recently that perhaps they are closer logistically and that may be a plus just for keeping in touch with the other siblings or perhaps one of the parents is a stay at home parent.  And quite frankly it is none of our business about this other family any way.  There is no reason we need to know anything about them so I wouldn't really want to ask anyways. 

So there you have the most recent updates....5 days and counting.

God Bless!

10,080 Minutes

10,080.....that's how many minutes are in a week....that equals 168 hours or 7 days....it's all time and I guess in the grand scheme of things it is all in how you look at it.  For me, even though 10,080 minutes is the same thing as 168 hours and 7 days it still seems like this next week has already started to DRAG BY.  Why?  Well, in a roughly 10, 080 minutes we will know if we have been picked for this little one we submitted our home study for.  The "selection committee" meets on December 8th.  We don't know what time or for how long or even what happens during that meeting.  We don't go to that meeting (and I am not sure I would really want to anyways - that seems awkward) so we have no informaiton - we just get to wait and count down the days, hours, minutes....all 10,080 of them - until we find out the decision of basically complete strangers and the effect it will have on the future of our family. 'Tis the life of a foster parent or adoptive parent or both or really in many cases any parent for that matter.   It is all about waiting and what you do with the time in between I guess.

So for now, the hands on the clock keep ticking (though I am sure there are about 200 extra seconds added on for each real second...) and we keep doing what we do.  Patrick will continue to be the solid rock he always is: "If it is meant to be and a part of God's plan for us, it will happen.".  Gabe and Alex will continue to be the most amazing boys this selfish and undeserving mother has ever met.  And I will continue to be completely and utterly insane with impatience and unable to control my impusles to re-read the information we have about this little one, re-review our "pick us" book for any possible flaws that could even remotely cause these strangers to think we will not be fit for this little one, clean my house sporadically while being completely overwhelmed and distracted by all the projects I still have to get done for Christmas and pray constantly. 

My AWESOME family!  P.S. - Yes, Patrick's wildly inappropriate shirt says EXACTLY what you think it does...he's cool!

But, you aren't surprised by that too much right?  It is after all the dynamic that has been the Pringle Jr's from the very beginning.  As I said recently to my mother - in - law (who is AWESOME by the way!) - Patrick is the ynig to my yang or vice versa.  Not sure which one is the crazy one and which one is the solid, practical, calm one, but you get the idea.  Gabe and Alex are the glue that holds it all together and God certainly has His hand in all of it.  So I will continue to work on letting it go.  I will have to re-listen to my encouraging songs again so I can remember how nice it is to not have complete control after all!  I forget things sometimes you know!  :)

Till next time!  God Bless!

National Adoption Day 2010

We were so blessed to be asked to attend National Adoption Day this year with our dear friend, Elizabeth.  She adopted her little one, Makayla - the happy ending to a very long and tedious journey and beginning of something wonderful and amazing for them both.  I am so pleased we were able to attend and even more pleased that it all worked out to be such a special day for them both.  It was a true honor to be a witness to this adoption - two years in the making!  And to be able to participate in NAD two years in a row - both as adoptors and witnesses - is a true blessing.  It reminds us of how God works in our lives to give us every blessing possible - even when we don't know or realize that is what He is doing.  Here are a few pictures and from that special Day (11/20/10) just one day before our 1 year adoption anniversary!

Hee Hee - I'm gonna get in trouble for that last one, but it is just too funny to not include.  Totally worth the punishment!  Happy Birthday week love!  :)

It is such a wonderful event - not just for those adopting, but for those attending as well.  I am so glad we got to go this year.  Who knows what next year might bring - maybe we get to go again!  :) 

HomeGoods/Shameless Post

Hi All - In checking out one of my favorite blogs: Dollar Store Crafts I saw they are hosting a giveaway for a gift card to HomeGoods.  I have never been there but I have noticed some of the other blogs I follow are frequent shoppers.  I thought I would try it out if I win the gift card....might as well right?  :)

If you are interested in entering, check out this post.

I'll let you know if I win!  :)

In th mean time, I have lots of projects to post about.  I even took pictures last night so I will get them up shortly!

More News!

Well, about 10:15 or so this morning we got some news from our FAD worker about the mediation today.  She told us it was the shortest mediation she has ever heard of - only an hour.  She is guessing that means that the parents went ahead and signed over their rights.  We won't know any of that until we are picked (I say that like it is a for sure thing!).  If we are not picked, then again, it is not really any of our business so we don't get to know anything.

The other bit of news she told us is apparently they have narrowed it all down to two families - ours and one other family "new to the program".  I am not sure what that means other than we are still in the running!  Our Fad worker told us this weekend that she is pretty convinced we are at the top of the list because of all the questions they have been asking us.  So I guess if it is down to us and one other family, that is pretty much as close to the top of the list as one can get in these cases!

Our FAD worker suggested that we work on putting together a photo book of our family and our home.  This is something she can take with her when she goes to the selection staffing meeting.  It is a way that the workers and those involved in the case can get to know us a bit better - including seeing our house, car, living arrangements for the baby, etc - without having to come out to our home before the meeting.  I don't even know if this is something that is done typically or if this is an idea she has in order to help us stand out a bit more or not.  All I know is if there is any way it might give us some kind of advantage, then I am doing it!  :)  My mom is coming over tomorrow to get to work on it!  I printed some pictures off tonight and am hoping that between my mom (and hopefully Patrick's incredibly talented sisters and mom and maybe even aunts too!) we can make a relatively presentable book that "sells" us the best we can!  We are going to approach it more from a scrapbook kind of manner rather than a printed photo book just because we don't really have time to do the printed photo book.  And I am hoping the home made aspect will show our dedication, committment and even excitement about this little one even more.  :)

Our FAD worker told us they were trying to get the selection committee together before Thanksgiving, but the schedules are not lining up for all the people involved.  So they have the meeting scheduled for December 8th at this time.  That means that we will for sure know something on December 8th.....the rest of the next couple of weeks will likely be rather quiet.  I don't know any more about court dates or anything like that, so we are just going to enjoy our Holidays and keep praying that God's will be done!

As I told my FAD worker today, I know this is not a final decision, but just to be narrowed down to one of two families is incredible and I can just feel God's hand in this.  I know that He will do what is best for this little one and that is all we can ask for - even if that is not us.  He has some grand plans in store for us and if this is not it, then I can't even begin to imagine what it is!  :)  God Bless!

Mediation Day

Today is mediation day for the litte one’s case that we submitted our home study for 4 weeks ago. I don’t know when they will be doing the mediation or when we will hear anything about the results of the mediation. I just know it is supposed to happen today.


Our FAD worker has told us that she believes this mediation is for the case worker and ad litem, etc. to try and convince the birth mother (parents? I am not sure if there is a father involved or not) to voluntarily relinquish her (their) parental rights. If she chooses to do that, then it will not have to be decided via a court trial. The case will still have to go to court in December to “accept” the relinquishment, but it would not be a termination. The best way I can define the difference is a termination of parental rights by the judge (or jury if they went that way) is kind of the same as being fired from a job. Whereas a voluntary relinquishment is kind of the same thing as quitting. The record kind of follows you around when you are fired per se.

I don’t know if the other four (YES FOUR!) children she has lost were terminated or relinquished – so that may have an effect on her decision this morning. If she has a “clean record” of no terminations, she may be more willing to relinquish. If not, she may not. Or it may be that she just simply does not care either way.

The other thing is this mediation could be for something completely different or could be for a whole host of other things. As we are not this little one’s foster family (yet!) or her adoption placement family (yet!) it is really none of our business. I am hopeful that we will at least have some information of the results of this mediation just as a way to help us with our decision to keep moving forward (but really, that decision is already made. There isn’t a whole lot they could tell us that would make us change our minds now!).
Anyways, that is where we are today. As I don’t know when they are meeting, I would ask that you keep those prayers going all day today. Please pray for God’s will to be done in this case. Please pray that He speaks to this litte one’s mother (and father) to do the right thing for her. Please pray that the workers involved in the case can speak with compassion, wisdom and strength to help bring about the best outcome for her. Please pray that His hand be in these proceedings today and that no matter what happens – no matter how it may or may not affect Patrick and I and our family – His will be done so that what is absolutely best for this litte one is what happens. We simply couldn’t ask for anything more in this situation than that!
As soon as I hear anything I will certainly let you know!  God Bless!

Breathe....

We just got another update about the little one we submitted our home study for three and a half weeks ago.  We are still being considered (the good news!) and they asked us about how we would handle a child who showed signs of mental health concerns (bi-polar, schizophrenia, etc) in the future.  Of course we said we would seek out the professional resources needed to treat that child but that we would also rely our support system to help us care for a child with those needs - just like we do with the boys who don't have any severe medical or mental needs.

I don't think they asked that question to imply that this little one has any of those conditions or that they anticipate that she will.  I think they asked it because they are still trying to "weed out" the families that are not right for this little one.  I am guessing they still have plenty to choose from and need some more digging to narrow it down.  It could also be that they were trying to see if we are the kind that would try and give her back if something "less than ideal" surfaced later on.  REALLY?  I may get some serious heat for this comment, but what kind of person would really do something like that?  How could you possibly have a child that you have loved and cared for who suddenly starts showing signs of something more serious than anything else before and then turn them away?    Ok, that was my soap box for tonight.  :)  It could also be that they are trying to make sure that they have covered all the bases, dotted all the i's and crossed all the t's so there is no way anyone can come back and try to overturn anything on the technicality of having not asked all the right questions.  This is all conjecture at this point...

We were also told that they will be holding the selection meeting the week of November 29th.  That means that at some point that week they will meet with all of the case workers, FAD workers, CASA worker, lawyers, foster parents, etc. involved in the case and representing the families that have submitted home studies and hash out which family is the best choice for this little one.  We could use some MAJOR prayers that week for sure.  But also throughout the next couple of weeks as things are read and re-read and interpreted and mediated and discussed and everything else about this case.  Our prayer continues to be for what is best for this little one and we pray for the wisdom and peace for the workers making decisions on this case to be able to make the best decision for her.  Even if that means she won't come to us.

On another note, we recently found out some news that is both heartbreaking and possibly joyous at the same time.  No - I am not pregnant.  No - someone did not just randomly drop a baby at our doorstep and No we did not win the lottery.  And finally, No, I can't really go in to it via this publicly accessed blog.  Just suffice it to say that someone very close to the boys could use some major prayers right now for safety, strength, peace and the wisdom to make the right decisions.  Those decisions could easily affect her life as well as another's.  Please pray for God's will in this situation and that we can all have strength and peace to follow His path for us all.

God bless!

Car seat blanket

In an effort to keep myself somewhat sane and because I have literally a million things to get done before Christmas, I have been doing some projects - pretty much every free chance I get!  I haven't been able to post about many of them as they are Christmas presents and I don't want to lose the element of surprise (or risk someone seeing it and thinking "I hope that's not for me!"  :0 ).  But this one is all for me and is not a Christmas present (though I am hoping the person who will use this is an early Christmas present for us!).

I decided that since it is getting colder and we just might have a "baby car seat" sized little one in our home soon that this was the perfect time to tackle this project.  I also know I have friends who are pregnant with delivery dates around the corner and I thought I could work out the kinks  by making a practice run for myself.  So I followed the pattern from Toad's Treasures for the Car Seat and Stroller blanket.  Here is how mine turned out.

You like my Pooh Bear baby model?  :)

I used a fleece blanket that I already had on hand and a sheet I bought for a bed we no longer have any more - it is brand new - never been used even.  So I thought it was worth the try to see if I could make it work.  I am pleased with it.  I guess we shall see if we need it soon enough!  :)

God Bless!

Maybe it wasn't gas after all...

So maybe my gut feeling wasn't just gas after all.  I had said that today was going to be my personal cut off date.  If we didn't hear anything about the little one we submitted our home study for then I was going to assume that we didn't get picked. After all, today would have been a full week since we had last heard anything.  I left work today at 12:30 because my super awesome boss took me to lunch and then we spent the afternoon celebrating National Medical Staff Services week (I am a medical staff coordinator at the hospital I work at.).  So I left work with the thought that if we were to have heard anything, it would have already come and I was going to assume that we hadn't been picked.

I went about my fabulous lunch and absolutely wonderful afternoon with my boss.  I really had not even been thinking about having not heard anything.  I had heard this song on the way in to work this morning and decided that God was speaking to me - that this one may not work out and if it didn't then that was ok.  These are the lyrics:

Josh Wilson – Before the Morning

Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Chorus:
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
yeah, yeah,
before the morning,
yeah, yeah

Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
memory, memory, yeah

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

com'n, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing
the pain you've been feeling,
just the dark before the morning
before the morning, yeah, yeah
before the morning


Ok- how can you hear this song and not think "OK God, I'm listening.  Ok God, I will let you have it."????  So that is what I did this morning.  I let Him have it.  I really actually did!  Are you proud of me????  I really did it this time!  I went about my day with such a light heart and in such a glorious mood, that I decided that even if we didn't hear anything today I was going to be ok.   It was so wonderful!  


Then I got home from my wonderful afternoon and being that I simply had to just check to be absolutely sure, I logged in to check my work email.  There was an email in my inbox from our Foster/Adoption (FAD) worker!  She had an update for us!  She had taken it upon herself (without me requesting it I swear!) to email the little girl's worker for an update.  The worker responded a few hours later that they are in the process of putting together a selection meeting and the workers involved in the case have reviewed the submitted home studies.  She said that she would let our FAD worker know when the selection meeting would be so she could attend on our behalf and help them with the decision.  There was no mention of when that meeting would be taking place (she didn't say next week or two weeks or Monday or anything like that) but I am hoping that if they will let our FAD worker know when it is that she will be able to at least tell us when to expect some kind of decision.  


So that's the latest.  I guess we got our "word" today so it looks like we are still in the running!  Praise you Lord for your blessings!  Praise you Lord for knowing your servant well enough to know that I needed that little bit of a word to keep going.  Praise you Lord for being so amazing and so merciful and so loving that You would even consider us for this opportunity.  Lord, please continue to watch over this little one and speak to the hearts of those working on her case to let them make the right decisions for what is best for this little girl.  Thank you, Lord!

STILL Waiting

Well, as of this last Friday at least, we are still in the running for this 6 month old little one we submitted our home study for almost 2 weeks ago.  I have to be honest that, despite my experiences with CPS typically being anything but time consuming, I am kind of surprised it is taking this long to make a decision about which family they are going to place this little one with.  Of course it may be that as we have not heard anything today that means they have already made their decision and we are no longer being considered.  Or it could be that they are still working on narrowing down the families.  Or it could be that the person who is working this case is on vacation and they aren't doing anything with the case right now.  That's the most frustrating thing about this process I think - the waiting without any communication.  I have to assume we are still in the running at this point because they emailed us on Friday wanting more information - our work schedules.  But my response back could have easily taken us out.  We both work M-F full days.  So they may be looking for a family with at least one stay at home parent.  I did make sure I mentioned that while we work our 40 hours, we are well connected within the Baylor system to facilities, caregivers and resources to care for a little one with the needs this little one has.  So working not only has brought us to those resources, but they are close - there is a Baylor clinic right down the street from my office that cares for children with special needs that is also a day care.   They have on site services just exactly for the kinds of things this little one needs!  Don't think I didn't mention that (in about three paragraphs) to make sure they drew the correct conclusion that while we may work, doesn't mean we don't have the time and resources necessary to care for this little one. 

I am not sure why I am fighting so hard for her other than I have this feeling she is ours.  The intensity and strength of that feeling tends to waiver and so like I told my boss recently, that gut feeling could just be gas and not God after all.  But I am having a hard time letting this one go.  As I think I have mentioned before, I am already in love with this little girl and while it is so tempting to pray for what I want, I continue to pray for God's will in this little girl's life.  That is why I hope (and pray) that my gut feeling is not just me "willing" it to be but me listening to God.  I truly want to be listening to His plan for us and to what He is trying to tell me.  So I will keep trying to focus on that when the waiting and my lack of patience get the better of me.  In the mean time I will set my "cut off" as this Friday.  If we don't hear anything more before this Friday then I will assume that we have not been chosen.  That will be 2 1/2 weeks since we submitted our home study.  And at the rate they have been contacting us, it would be well beyond the schedule for us to not hear anything else.

On a side note, I know that they need to take as much time as they possibly can to be as thorough as they possibly can to make sure that they place this little one with just the right family.  I also know I am complaining and bellyaching and that doesn't change the fact that while it is uncomfortable, I would really want them to do what they could to make sure they place this little one in the right place.  Sometimes it is easier for me to deal if I can vent.  So that is what I will likely be doing over the next couple of days.  Feel free to come back in a week or so to avoid all the venting!  :)  Much Love and God Bless!

Still In the Running

Just got an email from our FAD worker.  She was following up on a question from the case worker for the little one we recently submitted our home study for.  They wanted to know if we would be open to an open adoption.  Basically that means would we be willing to allow cards/letters and pictures to be mailed back and forth (from the birth family to us and vice versa) all the way to would we be willing to meet face to face with them so they could see the child for a period of time.  We already have a PO box for the boys' birth family to keep in touch with them so that is not even a problem.  However we don't do face to face visits with them.   I am not sure how comfortable we are with face to face visits in this case either, but we would certainly be open to talking about it.  My main concern with face to face visits is the affect it would have on the child.  If they are safe and the family members are not causing harm in any way (these visits would be supervised of course!) then as long as it is not causing any emotional trauma for the little one, we would be open to occassional visits.  But not something like every month or anything like that.  Maybe like Christmas and Birthday or something like that.  But that may not even be something the birth family wants - it may be that cards/letters and pictures is enough for them.

That being said, it is really just a matter of discussion at this point.  Legally, we are not required to maintain any contact with the birth family if the parental rights are terminated.  However, if we go to mediation (if this little one is placed with us) and that is a "bargaining chip" to get them to surrender their rights rather than have to go to trial, that is something we would consider.  We are firm believers that our adopted children should have the option to maintain contact with thier birth families if they want to - as long as it is safe for them.  If they don't want contact then we will support them in that.  But I can't think about denying our children the right to know their birth families because it makes me a little uncomfortable (don't get me wrong - I am not all that for it when my son tells me he misses his "real parents".  He's 4 and he doesn't understand that relationship - the word parents to him means birth parents.  We are his Mommy and Daddy, not parents.  But that doesn't mean that I like to hear him say it.  I usually have to stop myself for a second before I can respond to that one!). 

So that is the latest.  Our willingness to do an open adoption does not mean that we will get picked.  At this point they are just seeking additional information about us and the other willing families.  The responses may help them to narrow the pool a little bit, but it may not.  All in all, it is still very much in God's hands.  And despite the fact that I have been getting some interesting "messages" lately it could still go either way (our fortune cookie messages from the other day - "be preapred to recieve something special" and "your decisions are good ones. trust yourself" - the book I am reading is a fiction based on christian principals.  The message in the book right now is about following your destiny or calling in God and trusting that He will see you through and believing in Him, not just saying you do, but really believing. - the message at church on Sunday was basically the same thing as the one in the book recently.).  So again, I pray for God's will in this situation and that this little one is placed in the home that is best suited to care and love her.  I do really hope that is what will happen for her and if we don't get picked I have to believe that is what happened.  So I am sure it will be another week or so before we hear anything else.  Till then, God Bless!

Here we go again!

Got another email yesterday about a possible placement for us.  It is the same thing as the last two - legal risk placement for a little girl who needs a possible forever home.  We submit our home study and wait, and wait, and wait. As I mentioned before, this is just kind of how this will be from now on until we either take our names off the list or we have a new placement (or both!).  So we play the waiting game again.  I am giving it a week (two max) to see if we hear anything. If not, we will know that God has a different plan for us and this little one as well.

For those curious here is what we know about this little one:

She is 6 months old and is Caucasian.  She has had some genetic testing showing ocular-auirculo-vertebral spectrum.  She was born with bi-lobal ears and is currently seeing a cranial-facial surgeon to reshape and re-attach her ears properly.  There is no hearing damage according to the tests being done now.  She was also born with ptosis of the left eye.  Basically it did not close ever.  They have done some manual training of the eye lid so that it does close properly now - though it is not "synced" with the right eye.  All of her spinal, renal and heart tests are normal.  She is only 15 pounds likely due to a understimulated sucking reflex.  She is currently in speech therapy for that.  It sounds a little bit "scarier" than I think it really is though.  Most of these "concerns" are cosmetic and they are already working on them.  She already has treatment and is being taken care of now, so it is really a matter of continuing that treatment.  According to the profile we received she is laid back, enjoys other children and is affectionate as well as playful.  This little one just needs a forever home with people who will love and accept her. 

My prayer (as hard as it is to NOT pray that she come to us specifically) is that she will find a safe, loving home with a family that will not only meet her needs but love her like nothing else.  Did I mention it is REALLY hard to not pray that she comes to us instead of praying for her general safety and God's will!  I know I am already in love and I haven't even seen a picture (see my last post).  Oh well, God knows what He is doing so I will trust in that!  As always we appreciate prayers and support!  God Bless!

Hey! How did you get in my head like that?

Some people just get it.  Some people you meet along this journey called life just really get you - get your passions, your fears, your humor (that last one is a little harder for me - I think I am WAY funnier than I really am!) and they just understand you.  It is a rarety really.  As a foster/adoptive parent, it is sometimes even more rare to find those people who really understand what parenting a child you did not birth is really about.  Even if that parenting time is only for a few short days, weeks, months.  They stick with you.  I still think about our first little one that we had for 10 whole days.  That was over two years ago, but my heart tugs when I look at her pictures on our wall.  My heart even tugs when I see pictures or think about our last little one - the one that we struggled with so much.  I knew she was not a forever child for us - I didn't even want her to be a forever child for us - but I hope and pray that she is happy and healthy and well cared for.  I even kinda miss her a little - as strange as it seems. 

These children have become a part of us no matter how long we had them or even how difficult that time period was.  They came in to our lives for a reason and we simply can't deny the lasting and permanent affect their time with us has on us as individuals and as a family.  It is trully not about DNA and I don't think, for me at least, that it has ever been about DNA.  I share this not as another random Kellie rambling, but as comment to this post I read today.  This is one of my absolute favorite blogs http://www.momtriedit.net/.  She is simply amazing with all of her crafts, advice, reviews and even life experiences that she shares with the blogging community.  I hungrily devour her blog daily and can't hardly wait for each new post - I know, I am a little obsessed!  She and her family have recently entered in to the foster/adoption world and she made a post on her blog today that really spoke to me - something I have thought in my brain all the time.  I share it because I really do believe that until you do something, you can't really know.  It's that whole walk a mile in a man's shoes thing that I suck at doing!

http://www.momtriedit.net/2010/10/how-important-is-dna.html

I do attempt to keep a separation there between foster and forever children - for my own sanity and benefit.  I try to build a solid wall around my heart so that it can be easier when they leave.  And for some to observe me from the outside that may be all you see.  But on the inside where I am honest with myself that wall crumbles the moment those kiddos walk in to my life.  To me, there is no separation really.  To me there is no difference. Not birthing these children doesn't make me love them any less.  A child calling me mommy and needing my comfort in the middle of the night and needing my protection from the scary things in their lives - that child can never be anything less than a daughter or son to me - even temporarily. 

I know that God puts people where He needs them to be, I know that He prepared me for this role He has me playing now.  I know that He gives each of us experiences and lessons and opportunities all to get us to each little milestone in our journey that He has for us.  I know that means that not everyone will be able to truly understand and believe in what I do - those people weren't "built" for this journey - it is MY journey unique to me.  How can others truly understand when it custom built for me?  So it is nice every now and then to find that someone who really gets me or understand me or even understands a brief glimpse of what I am going through, what my family is going through.  And so for that, from someone else's perspective, I share this post from this person miles and miles away, going through some very similar things who briefly captures a small part of what being a foster/adoptive parent is really about.  God Bless!

No News Really IS Good News!

Well, I kind of made today the "cut off" date to hear if we were picked for the adoption placement we submitted for.  As there has been no calls or emails (or texts or airplane banners or carrier pigeons...you get the idea!) I am going to say that we did not get picked.  I have run the gauntlet of emotions this week for so many reasons and I think I am finally at the acceptance stage.  Which is good considering this is the "deadline" date!  :) 

I expected to feel fully and completely disappointed if we reached today with no calls (or other sundry of communication techniques - see above!) and here we are and here I am feeling ok afterall.  I don't know what plan God has for us in continuing to grow our family, but I am actually excited to see what He has in store!  I am still anxious about not being in control, but I am honestly just looking forward to what He is going to do - whatever that may be!  He gave us Gabriel and Alex - there really isn't a lot more that could top that!  :)  (I mean really, have you seen my boys???  They are pretty stinking adorable!) 

So if He plans to exapnd our family even more then I can't even begin to imagine how awesome what He has in store for us will be! 

So here is to another wonderful day with my AMAZING family and for whatever God has in store for us - BRING IT ON!  :)  Much love and God Bless!

Have You Ever Been Convicted?

No, I don't mean incarcerated, I mean convicted as in felt so passionate about something you knew with great conviction that it was right?  The web dictionary I used defines conviction as "an unshakable belief in something without need for proof or evidence".  Ok, now think about that....no really....think hard about that.  How many times in your life have you trully felt convicted about something?  What was it?  What did you do about it?  Were you accepted or joined in your conviction?  Did you have to convince others of your beliefs?  Were you punished or abondaned or persecuted for your convictions?  What were you willing to give up (even if not asked) for those convictions?

A friend and I were talking recently about our convictions - specifically adoption and being a foster parent - and how those around us have reacted to what we are doing.  She was telling me of a few of her friends who just keep telling her over and over again (almost like a broken record) how they don't know how she does what she does and how special she must be to do it because they know they couldn't do it.  Her interpretation of that comment is they are really thinking "you are crazy for what you are doing.  No person in their right mind would do something that crazy - or scary."  It got me thinking....how many times have I thought something similar about something someone else is doing that I don't necessarily agree with?  I don't know (If I am being honest, probably more than I would like to think). 

The more I think about it, I realize that those times I have thought the same thing about others is because I really didn't know (and didn't take the time) to understand their conviction.  Don't get me wrong - there are some people out there that do some really crazy things and being "convicted" about it doesn't make it not crazy or right.  But I know there are times that I have thought what an awful decision someone was making and jumped to my own conclusions without getting all the information.  I don't know what those people are thinking.  I don't know what God has laid on their hearts.  I don't know what research or prayers or thoughts they went through before getting to that place.  I don't know what past experiences have planted the seeds for that particular conviction - often times because I never experienced it myself.  I don't know what they have witnessed that makes them feel so strongly about something.  And how would I know those things?  Ask I guess, but that is not always appropriate either.  Sometimes its the stuff behind the curtain that makes the most sense - and since most people like to keep those private things private (go figure right?!?) that's not always information that is available.

I have had a few recent experiences where I thought something was a certain way because the person who did it didn't think about everything all the way through - how stupid to set it up this way, what an idiot! - only to find out that it was being done that way because I had the wrong updates on my system or the wrong back story or made the wrong assumptions.  When I realized it (and subsequently corrected those wrong things) it changed my entire perspective about those situations.  I had my "aha moment" and things were very different after that.  As difficult as it is to imagine, I was actually W-R-O-N-G about what was really going on????!!!???  Wow!  (mark it down folks, it won't happen often that I admit that!). 

I think about how I feel when I am trully convicted about something and someone questions it or tries to convince me of something else.  There are some things in my life that I know I am wrong about and needed that extra encouragement, discussion or wisdom to correct what I was doing, and there are some things that I know deep in my very being that I am supposed to be doing them or that I am right (like what we are doing as foster/adoptive parents).  I don't know how to explain it sometimes or express it so others can also believe the way I do, but I just KNOW it.  I like to think that God has given me the strength and wisdom to stick with that conviction because it is of Him and for Him and part of His plan for me.  So far, those things that I feel deep in my soul have always proven to be the right things after all - the right path to take.  As I know how that feels, I also know how it feels to have someone question those convictions, to have someone not believe in what I believe despite my best efforts to show them. 

As such, I am going to mak e an effort to be better about not jumping to my own conclusions.  I am still human, so I know I won't make that 100% of the time, but I hope I can learn to be better about putting myself in someone else's shoes before I judge.  It's not my place to judge anyways....Sorry Lord, you know how I like to be in control and all...Let's think of it as an experiment...how will my perspective change?  What will I learn along the way?  How can I better support those people when I take myself out of the equation (after all - most of the time it is not my decision to make anyways, so why do I make it about me to begin with?)?  How will my relationship with that person improve?  I don't know, but I guess that it can't hurt to try!

What are my convictions you may ask?  Well, there are a few and they may not be the same as yours and that is really ok isn't it?  But if you really want to know my opinions, just ask - you know I will give them to you!  :)  God bless!

Playing the Waiting Game

So today is the last day the case worker for this little girl we mentioned a few days ago is accepting home studies for consideration.  We have no way of knowing how many other families have submitted home studies or even how many the case worker has reviewed yet - so we don't know if we are still in the "running" or not. (though the broadcast we received does have the caseworker's name and email on it so if I was feeling "stalkerish" I could contact her - you don't think she would think that was bad and throw our home study out do you?  :)  ).  So for now we play the waiting game.  Based on past experience they will not notify us if we have NOT been chosen.  So we will wait and if we have not heard anything in a certain period of time, we will have to just assume we were not chosen.  That makes this waiting game a bit harder because there is always that thought in the back of my mind that perhaps they just haven't made their decision yet.  But I know that they will make a decision in two weeks max and if we get to that point and have not heard anything we can count on the fact that we were not chosen.  And if I was being really honest with myself, I would say that if we don't hear anything by next Friday, we can assume that we were not chosen.

Not sure if you know this about me, but I don't like waiting.  I have never been a patient person - and NO I don't pray for patience anymore because I don't like those lessons thank you very much! - so this waiting thing eats at me.  It becomes almost impossible for me to function and to focus on anything else (as you will see in the next several posts I am sure!) and I get cranky (Again, I know you are shocked!).  So I am going to continue to try really, really, really, really, super duper hard to put this one in God's hands - and NOT yank it back out every 30 seconds.  That is going to be my challenge for the next week.  And as I think about that, I know it won't just be for the next week. 

You see, this is the way it will be for pretty much every possible placement we consider going forward.  Because we are not doing foster care anymore, we won't get the phone calls with someone saying they need a home that day for a little one.  This is because the little ones that will be presented to us will be available for adoption and that means they have been in someone's foster home for a while now.  That means that an entire "pool" of licensed families will be "vying" for the chance to be considered for each placement.  That means we will do this whole submit and wait game for almost every placement opportunity for as long as we stay on the list.  I say almost because there is always the VERY small chance that a birth parent will turn their child over to CPS and walk away - in which case they would be available for adoption and we might get called.  But that is very small - like microscopically small.  So we will do this every time and every time I will struggle with the waiting and every time I will have to remind myself (daily - no really hourly) to put it back in God's hands.  Wash, rinse, repeat....

So in addition to the other hundreds of prayers we have asked for, I would ask that you throw one more in the mix for us (I say us because I am impossible to live with when I get a "tizzy" like this!).  Please pray that I relinquish control in to God's VERY capable hands and that I can find peace with this process - not just this time, but every time.  (as I write this I am feeling a little better, but my hand is still in that half raised position poised and ready to snatch the control back at any moment!  I am SOOO bad about that!).

'Til next time, may God bless!

PLEASE PRAY

Hi All -

A few quick updates and then our prayer request!

Patrick and I have made some changes to our vacancy listing for foster care.  We are now on the list for a sibling group with no more than two children - girls two years or younger.  We are currently on the vacancy list but only for legal risk or adoption only placements - that means no more foster placements.  For those of you who don't know the "lingo" "legal risk" means that parental rights have not yet been terminated but they plan to terminate.  So by taking in these children we do risk that they will not stay permanently, but it also means we open ourselves up for a broader range of placements as they would technically be considered foster placements until rights are terminated.  Because of the age range we are looking at, we need to be open to these placements or risk a VERY long wait.  Which is ok too because we really are working on God's time and not our own! 

So we made this decision a few weeks ago and let our foster/adoption worker know.  She updated our listing and we have been just going along with our regular daily activities - really perfectly content with the way things are, but also knowing God will put the child (or children) in our home that He has planned for all of us. 

Today we got an email from our foster/adoption worker about a legal risk placement for a 6 month old Caucasian baby girl.  There are no special needs that they are aware of now and I do not have ANY history about this little angel.  She is legal risk because the birth parents have failed to show up for visitation for the last few weeks.  They will take that in to consideration when they determine the final permanency plan for this little one.  We have submitted our home study and will have to wait until at least next week (maybe longer) to find out if they have picked us, but we put our name in the hat.  SOOOOO that is where the prayer request comes in!  Please pray that God's will be done in this situation and that the BEST home for this little angel's needs is picked both for her and her possible new family.  Please pray that our family can be kept calm and content while waiting to know if we will be involved in this little one's life.  Please pray for the workers, current foster parents and birth family of this little one so that the right decisions can be made for her care.

We will keep you posted as we hear anything!